KENNY POWERS: Showtime!
ANNOUNCER: Yes, yes yall. You know what time it is. It’s time for Sports Sesh! And here’s your host, Guy Young!
KENNY POWERS: I’m open! I’m open!
GUY YOUNG: Go Kenny!
GUY YOUNG: Hey, welcome to another session of Sports Sesh. I’m Guy Young and these guys are getting old and are out of shape. We have a very special show for you today because we have a very special guest, Kenny Powers.
KENNY POWERS: Wonderful to be here. Thank you very much for having me here. Thank you.
GUY YOUNG: if you remember, we did a story on this a few years ago, he walked away from the game of baseball, but that wasn’t the strange thing. He walked away, literally, right in the middle of a game. Crazy, right?
[MAN 1]: That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard
GUY YOUNG: Right?
[MAN 1]: Who does that?
KENNY POWERS: Well you guys, I did what I had to do. I gave up fame for true love.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Love? I want to see that that stripper looks like. So she calls you, “Hey, BooBoo. Um, I need you to go ahead and cut out on the game. My back hurts.”
KENNY POWERS: There was no phone call. I faked my death and then showed up at her doorstep-
DONTEL BENJAMIN: OH HELL NO! Did he say he became a ghost for a ho? Oh, Lord take me now! He in the league.
KENNY POWERS: That’s funny but, I actually have a very funny story about–
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Look! I just remembered, I have a bone to pick with you, Guy. Last week, he sat up here an told all of us about those rumors about Daniel Green getting that Georgia cheerleader pregnant weren’t true.
GUY YOUNG: That's not what I said. I said I wasn’t sure.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Well the DNA test was sure!
KENNY POWERS: You know, the funny thing about DNA tests–
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Look! Now we’ve all been on the road. We get back to the hotel,.. Look, a man’s gonna be a man.
KENNY POWERS: Well, you know sometimes–
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. And that’s all Dontel is gone say about that.
GUY YOUNG: You wanted to say something Kenny?
DONTEL BENJAMIN: No, that’s it.
KENNY POWERS: I just–
DONTEL BENJAMIN: No, he’s good.
GUY YOUNG: Okay, Dontel, but Kenny?
KENNY POWERS: The man is also…
DONTEL BENJAMIN: [Talking over Kenny] That’s it, that’s it.
KENNY POWERS: Different men can…
DONTEL BENJAMIN: [Talking over Kenny] Thaaat’s it.
[MAN 1]: You have a different spin on it?
DONTEL BENJAMIN: No he doesn’t.
KENNY POWERS: A man’s gonna be a man.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Yeah, a man gone be a man. That’s all Dontel gone say about it. That’s all Dontel gone say about it. Dontel said that already.
GUY YOUNG: Alright, I guess he’s just gonna leave it at that. Alright, let’s move on to our first hot topic. Major league baseball is in a little hot water…
GUY YOUNG: What do you think about that, Kenny?
KENNY POWERS: Hm? What’s up?
GUY YOUNG: What are your thoughts on that?
KENNY POWERS: Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Of course!
[MAN 2]: So you’re saying Latino players should get paid less?
GUY YOUNG: Is that what you’re saying Kenny? Are you saying that Latino players should get paid less?
KENNY POWERS: Uh, maybe we should go to the next person.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, no, no. You sat up here and told our listener audience that Latino players should not get paid!
[MAN 3]: Now, let’s calm down on Kenny. You see he’s got an old school mindset, right? I mean you can tell by the way he’s rocking them Run DMC, black Levi Jeans.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Who’s house? Run’s house!
[WOMAN 1]: That’s really funny. I like that one.
APRIL: Oh, baby…
[MAN 3]: Are those tassels, or…?
KENNY POWERS: No. It’s western. Uh, classic western, cowboy fringe.
[LITTLE GIRL]: Is that your best friend?
STEVIE JANOWSKI: Well, he used to be… Kenny Powers was my best friend.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Hey, Elvis just called, he said he wanted his suit back.
KENNY POWERS: Guy! Okay, I think I see. So you want me to be a little quicker on the uptake, maybe be a little louder.
GUY YOUNG: I want you to take Dontel down! He’s turning the sesh into a goddam minstrel show. Dancing around “ah, hahahaha. Na, na, na, na…” F*ckin dancin around like the goddam Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
ANNOUNCER: Guy Young!
GUY YOUNG: It’s time! Okay, huddle out, huddle out.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Dontel! Dontel!
STEVIE JANOWSKI: Oh, that’s my nigga! That’s my nigga!
[WOMAN 1]: Do you like this kind of stuff?
[MAN 4]: I don’t like this kind of stuff.
[WOMAN 1]: I don’t like this kind of stuff.
GUY YOUNG: That was ugly, Dontel. That was embarrassing.
[MAN 2]: Kenny had a block part and invited Dontel.
GUY YOUNG: Welcome back to another session of Sports Sesh. I’m Guy Young and these guys are just guys. Now, I want to just right into hot topic. Rickie Parks just left Orlando for a big contract with the Knicks. Cool move or fool move?
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Foool move, man!
GUY YOUNG: Why is that?
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Those fans in Orlando, they worship that guy. Whatever happened to loyalty?
KENNY POWERS: Well I’ve got to disagree with you Donte–
DONTEL BENJAMIN: I don’t care what you think! Alright? Now, look, when I played, I had a rapport with the local fan base.
KENNY POWERS: Well, if it’s not about the money, then why didn’t you play for free, dog?
GUY YOUNG: He makes a good point there, Dontel. You made a lot of money.
[MAN 2]: A lot!
KENNY POWERS: I mean, let’s face facts, guys. Playing sports is after all business. The way I see it, this dude saw a chance to get paid and he took it. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Look, I played for over ten teams and you know why? Cause those are the teams that were willing to pay me the most money. I’m playing to get paid. That’s the American way. Get that wallet stacked.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah–
KENNY POWERS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Dontel! Back the f*ck up! Goddam fangs. Lookin like a mother*ckin extra from Blade.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: This dude look like... like... dude from Achy Breaky Heart.
KENNY POWERS: So you wanna talk about hair? Let’s talk about hair for a second. Shall we? Let’s talk about that bald ass shiny head of yours. Look like a Destro. Honestly, this motherf*cker looks like a Milk Dud.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Why do I gotta be a Milk Dud, cause I’m black?
KENNY POWERS: Nah, nah, nah, you don’t have to be a Milk Dud, you could be Tic Tacs the way your goddam breath’s kickin’. Smells like you’ve been chewin on buttholes all afternoon.
GUY YOUNG: Buttholes!
KENNY POWERS: Diarrhea stinky buttholes.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: What yall laughin at?
STEVIE JANOWSKI: That’s right Kenny! F*ck yeah! Yeah!
DONTEL BENJAMIN: What yall laughin at?
KENNY POWERS: Watch out audience. This mother*cker about to stick you up.
APRIL: Come on, baby. Come on, baby.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: Oh, so you want to see a nigga, huh? You want to see a nigga, I will show you a nigga.
KENNY POWERS: I prefer not to see one today.
APRIL: Holy sh*t!
GUY YOUNG: It’s not worth it! Calm down, man.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: You know what? You know what, Guy? Man, f*ck you! F*ck these losers! F*ck those assh*les!
GUY YOUNG: Alright, we’ll be back.
DONTEL BENJAMIN: I’m out this mother*cker!
STEVIE JANOWSKI: Dontel left the building! Outta here!
APRIL: Outta here!
KENNY POWERS: Get a toothbrush, Holmes.
GUY YOUNG: Alright, we’ll be right back. When we get back we can have some more Kenny effin Powers. Woo! Give it up for Kenny!