Click LIKE above if you support Kenny Powers as new K-Swiss CEO!
Featuring: Danny McBride, Michael Bay, Jillian Michaels, Matt Cassel, Patrick Willis, Rey Mysterio, Urijah Faber, Josh Cox, Titty Mug, Mark Cuban, and Jon Jones.
Kenny Powers: Some athletes just want the endorsement deals. Some do it for the fame/poontang. The smart as shit ones get into business, but no one has ever done what I've just fucking done. I own 51% of K-Swiss stock.
K-Swiss Executive: You've got to
be fucking kidding me.
Kenny Powers: I'm not kidding. I'm fucking in and you're fucking out. Now get the fuck out of my chair. Konichiwa bitches. I'm Kenneth Powers, the new motherfucking CEO of K-Swiss. You're thinking, “Kenny Powers, why the fuck would you want to be the C.E.O of a business. When you could easily be out living the life of a functioning derelict? Well, the answer is simple. I'm changing the sports world. I want to get everybody to stop acting like god damn pussies all the time. So I didn't just sign the baddest athletes. I hired 'em to run the company. What's up dawg? I killed you. I started the rebuilding process by enlisting all pro-quarterback Matt “God Damn” Cassell to command my high powered marketing offense.
Matt Cassel: K-Swiss Tubes we let
the dogs out. Emphasis on “we.”
Kenny Powers: Who did it? We did it. That's good Cassell
Matt Cassel: K-Swiss Tubes, come at me bro. Come at me.
Kenny Powers: Touch down. Fantastic concepts Cassel. Me and Matt Cassell just fucked you up dawg. I brought in John Bones Jones to run HR. Raise morale.
Choked Out Employee: Shorter lunches what is that shit. Fuck that, I'm taking a long...
Kenny Powers:
And for director of community outreach I got the ultimate people person,
Jillian Michaels.
Jillian Michaels: You wanna look like a burrito in your prom dress. Huh blondie? Bleed bitch, bleed!
Kenny Powers: Lastly, I brought in Ray Mysterio head up
security. Safety is priority number one, my safety. What's up Josh Cox? Let's push this shit to the max. Now that K-Swiss is bigger that cable television and/or
hardcore drugs. Everybody's trying
to get up my fucking slacks.
Alright you bitch, Mark
Cuban you want to play hardball with me?
I'm tried of fucking around.
I will pay you 25 million dollars if you will change your team's name to
the Dallas K-Swiss Tubes.
Mark Cuban: Quit wasting my time Kenny.
Kenny Powers: Before you say anything. Prepare to shut the fuck up.
Mark Cuban: I'm thinking, I'm thinking you're a dumb ass Kenny.
Kenny Powers: I'm making marketing that touches my audience deep inside. K-Swiss Power Cologne, who knew you could bottle the scent of boner.
Secretary: Mr. Powers, I have Michael Bay on Line
1.
Kenny Powers: Finally, motherfucker. Chello.
Michael Bay: Kenny, how are you?
Kenny Powers: Alright man, here listen up alright. Fuck commercials. I want you to direct a K-Swiss fucking movie. Here's the concept okay. It's all about how I'm like kickass at sports, top of my game. Now I'm an awesome C.E.O. These jealous terrorist they bust into the compound I'm living in, and they basically drop all these bombs on me. And I'm totally dead. All that's left is my brain, my dick, and the tubes. And all these scientists basically find those parts with the help of some local school children.
Michael Bay: Uh huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kenny Powers: And make me into a humungous, this is where your expertise comes in, Transformer.
Michael Bay: That's riveting Kenny. So you want me to direct you in a K-Swiss autobiography. Where I rebuild you as a Transformer with a human brain and penis.
Kenny Powers: And Tubes. So I'm lubing the motherfucking deals. Doing shit other sports companies are too pussy to even dream of. Gentlemen, I present you the athlete of the future.
Patrick Willis: Ah, fuck you!
Kenny Powers: Wearing the training shoe of the future, Tubes. Light weight, breathable upper top part where the laces are. Kill that mother fucker Patrick Willis. That's right I'm turning shit on its god damn head. I'm changing the sports world. I'm changing the business world. It don't smell like shit.
Nice, awesome, no. I'm even changing the god damn world, world. Ha ha ha ha. Now that is how you run a company like Kenny Powers. Hot secretary, get me the President on the line. I just got tired of paying taxes.
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